I had a serendipitous conversation with a MyDomainMint.com hosting & domain tech support person this evening. I was messing around with my blog and had to call them for support. After we figured out what the issue was and got the site back on track, he asked me about my blog and what it was about. He then told me that both of *his* parents had died, too — FROM CANCER! Part of me, most of me, believes that my “accident” in messing up my site for a few minutes was no accident – that I was meant to have this conversation with this person. I think this blog shines a light on the stuff that’s dark and gives people a place to say — yeah.. me too…
Christmas time and the holidays can feel pretty lonely when you don’t have parents. I spent my thanksgiving last week with my chosen family – people who I have chosen over time to be my family, and who over time, has chosen me right back. It’s a beautiful gift I have been given in the absence of my blood family. They are kind, considerate, loving, open minded, accept and love me for who I am, and my GOD they’re fun!!!
CONNECT WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO MAY BE FEELING LONELY
If you’re missing you parents this holiday season, try to find someone or a couple of someones who really need you and focus on them.
- Perhaps a child who’s lonely
- An orphan who would like company
- A child who’s family is not very supportive (perhaps being a big brother or sister)
- Buying a gift for a child who doesn’t get Christmas or holiday presents
- Sending a card to an old person
- Spending time at a nursing home with people who don’t have any more family
- Writing a card to family and friends you would like to keep in touch with, updating them on your life or just saying hello
- Spending time with a friend – any friend
- Spending time with a friend who’s also lost a parent
- Going to a meeting. I’ve gone to a Motherless Daughters of Central NJ Meetup meeting and have met a ton of other women who have also lost their mothers. There’s a meetup happening this December. They also have a NJ Motherless Daughters facebook page.
CONNECT WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Sometimes, we have people in our lives that have no idea we are suffering and it may feel like a rejection or that they don’t care or they are too busy with their own lives when they don’t reach out to us. This happens sometimes when your parents pass away. It may be a good time to reach out our hands and say either we need help, a simple hello, or a simple, hey I care about you.
I think the important thing to remember in one of the above scenarios is to LET GO OF THE OUTCOME. Put your intentions into good– believe that you deserve them, but then the minute you send that card, email, text — let go of the outcome and just accept that you were able to do something that was hard, difficult and totally vulnerable. Have an UP prepared (an event that after you do it, you know you will feel good. A movie, a talk with a friend, a beer if that’s your thing, TV, a rollercoaster if have one near by and you’ve got good weather).
Don’t just sit there. DO SOMETHING with your grief!